The Epic of Mo

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Mo Farah who was very fast. Faster than the other boys. Much faster than a normal person needs to be in the normal course of medium-paced life.

He was so fast, his running took him all the way to the Olympics. And even there, among the fastest of the fastest, this little boy, now a man, was…you guessed it…still the fastest.

So where was he to run now? Now that there was no doubt of his speed, and he had the medals to show for it. Now that he was one of the most decorated athletes in the history of Great Britain. Would he stop running? Would he pick up a new hobby? Something like…I don’t know…skee ball? Or would he continue to run? And if so…where would he run to?

As it happened, we’ve uncovered the secret diary of track & field hero Mo Farah, and as it turns out, he never did stop running. The best part is…his diary has pictures.

Day One: I had heard successful professional athletes are sometimes popular with ladies looking for love, but nobody told me they hunt in packs. These runaway brides weren't quite quick enough to catch me. (That's hardly ideal running gear they're wearing.) Still, I hope they find true love somewhere, someday, and never let it get away. Or, at the very least, if not true love, maybe a bachelor party running a marathon in tuxedos. 

Day Two: While I know the ladies looking for husbands meant well, I can't say the same of the next gentleman I met on my epic journey. As a matter of fact, gentleman may be too strong a word  altogether. 

I believe Mr. Cyclops may have had some ill intent toward me. He sure seemed to have an angry expression on his face. Then again, I'd be angry too if somebody hit me that hard with the ugly stick. Luckily for me, I didn't have to use any guile to outsmart him. I just ran the heck out of there. 

Day Three: The people of Springfield greeted me warmly at first. But one off-handed comment about how the lemonade and flapjacks were

better in Shelbyville, and they turned into an angry mob faster than

you can say "DOH!" I got away from them, but I think they're all still out there somewhere. It makes you wonder if they'll ever stop running. I mean it's been like 30 years. And they haven't really been good at running since season 8 or so...But that's none of my business.

Day Four: Anyway, since I had already crossed over into the cartoon realm, (I promise no performance enhancing drugs were consumed on this journey), I decided to pay the teletubbies a visit. What a nice bunch of...creatures. Really a ton

of fun. I couldn't understand much of their squeak language, but they were super duper friendly. I like to think I wasn't running away from Tinky Winky, Dipsy, and the gang as much as I was running with them...while staying a good deal in front.                                        

Day Five: The tubbies may have been a little touchy-feely for my taste, but I sure missed them when I stopped over in Miami. This gentlemen was the least friendly of the bunch, and he didn't even have the ugly excuse like the Cyclops did. He just kept wanting me to meet his little friend. I thought to myself, he was pretty little already, so how small could his friend possibly be? But I never did get the answer to that riddle, because he started shooting at me. I ran really fast that day, kids. Really, really, really fast. I still don't know what made him so angry. Maybe he got cut from his high school track team? That must be it. Anyway, after that, I decided it was about time to head home and start training for 2016.